Rating: PG
Archive: Sure, but let me know.
Summary: Josh seeks 'Donna advice' from Sam but Toby seems to have most of the answers.
Spoilers: The War at Home and the episodes thru The Stackhouse Filibuster.
Disclaimers: Aaron Sorkin still owns them all.
Date: 3/27/01
Notes: Jeds Winner -- First Place, Outstanding Dialogue.
The bar was loud, but not as noisy as Flannigan's across the street. That's why they were here instead. It was an 8:00 P.M. working break to discuss how to rally up congressional support for an education bill that would supply funding for new textbooks to inner-city schools. It had been a long day and someone had suggested a brainstorming session at this familiar Georgetown bar.
"Is Toby coming?"
"Yeah, he had to finish the thing first," Sam said as he grabbed a peanut from the bowl.
"Okay", Josh took a swig from his beer.
"So, who do you think.."
"What do you think of Donna..?" They both started at the same time.
"Well," Sam paused, "I think we have Donna's support for the bill, but she's not a member of Congress so I don't really think she counts in this instance."
"Yeah, that's um, actually not what I was thinking of."
"I didn't think so, Josh." Sam sat there grinning at his best friend.
"I mean..." He stammered a bit and then grabbed a handful of peanuts and began to put all of his effort into shelling them.
"I think Donna puts up with a lot of crap from you, although, oddly enough, not so much in the last few weeks. I think Donna is sweet, and smart, and obviously very attractive."
"I liked the hat", quipped Josh.
"Excuse me?"
"Remember, when we set the thing on fire, it was cold, she had that little hat on. I told her that morning that it made her look like 'the flying nun', but I really liked it, she was.... adorable in it".
"Did you tell her that part?"
"Noooo", came Josh's reply. He now had a pile of shells and a pile of peanuts. He pushed the peanuts over towards Sam.
"That's ok, you have them".
"I don't like peanuts."
"Okay."
"What do you think about Donna..."
"I think we already covered this."
"You didn't let me finish."
"Ok."
"What do you think about Donna and.."
"Josh, I got that part, what's the part after Donna?" Sam interrupted looking at him with a face so strained with effort trying not to laugh, it appeared it might crack at any moment. Unfortunately, Josh was too distracted to notice his friend's badly hidden amusement at this point.
"And me."
"I'm sorry?"
"The part after Donna is ..... and me." Josh muttered into his beer, taking a big sip.
"Ahhhhhh...well, I think..."
"She's young. She was 24 when I hired her", he interrupted.
"She's 27 now, you've, well, you've watched her blossom into a woman, Josh."
"Okay, stop being funny, that just creeps me out, you make me sound like some kind of pervert here. I'm trying to be serious and you mock me. Do you want to mock me or help me."
"I want to mock you", Sam chuckled. "Sorry, I had to say that. Look, she's 27, almost everyone she works with is older than she is, yet she conducts herself very professionally, I really don't see that as a problem. So you're about to turn 40", Sam stopped briefly and looked at Josh, watching his friend put his head down on the table and moan.
"My point is, it's no big deal", Sam finished, popping a couple of pre-shelled peanuts into his mouth.
Lifting his head up, Josh muttered under his breath, "I am a pervert. I really liked the hat. Sometimes I think about Donna wearing just the hat and..." he trailed off.
"All men are perverts. It's what we do."
"See, Joey Lucas said something. I've been thinking about it since she left."
"When she was here polling?"
"Yeah, she said if there were a hundred Donnas.."
"There are a hundred Donnas?" Toby asked as he hung his coat up on the hook outside the booth and glared at Sam until the younger man slid over so that he could scoot in.
"No, there's only one Donna, and Josh likes her. He likes her hat a whole lot" Sam replied with a grin, as he filled a mug and pushed it towards Toby and Josh started to blush.
"I'm not drinking that crap", Toby responded as he began to look around for a waitress.
"When you say you like Donna, you mean as an assistant, right?"
"No," Sam answered, "he means like a pervert."
"Stop!" Josh's face went down on the table again as Toby and Sam exchanged glances.
Sam reached across the table and lightly batted his friend on the top of the head.
"What did Joey Lucas say, sport?"
Lifting his head up, Josh took another handful of peanuts.
"I don't want anymore peanuts, Josh".
"These are for Toby", he responded and began to shell. "She said that the reason Donna wanted me to ask her out was because she liked me."
Sam nodded and Toby frowned.
"Donna wanted you to ask her out because she likes you?"
"Okay, there are to many pronouns here", Sam offered. "I'm a writer, I can translate. Toby, Donna was bugging Josh to ask Joey Lucas out. Joey, it appears, later told Josh, that Donna was doing this because Donna liked Josh."
"Right", Josh confirmed with a nod.
"Ahhh, misdirection", Toby responded as he finally managed to flag down a waitress and order a real drink.
"How do you know about that?" Josh asked.
"Misdirection Josh, you're a politician, how do *you* not know about that?" Toby spat out.
"How did Joey know about that?"
"What I wonder", Toby started, throwing out a pained expression, "is how the Washington Post doesn't know this?"
"That Donna wanted me to ask Joey Lucas out?" Josh asked, confusion spreading across his face for the second time that evening.
"No you putz, how you have a thing with your assistant. Thanks," he nodded to the waitress as she set his drink on the table.
"No I don't!"
"You really do", Sam agreed. "You flirt, you banter, you make her stay when you work late, and you always stare at her. You have a thing, and quite frankly, Joey Lucas isn't the only one who knows it", he finished with a self-satisfied grin.
"Toby, did you know this?" Josh asked in a voice a bit higher than his normal conversational tone.
"Yeah."
"When? When did you know this?"
"Remember during the campaign and you came bouncing into that meeting and told Leo that you had found an 'assistant' and that you wanted to 'keep her'?"
"Yeah".
"That's when I knew."
"How?"
"Josh, you said you would pay her salary until she could be put on it officially. Then, when I met Donna, I saw this blonde, leggy girl and I knew. I knew that the two of you working together would be a problem eventually."
"Toby, what are you saying? I never.." Josh looked at Toby shocked.
"I know, I must admit I was wrong. I was wrong about the type of problem. I figured she would work for you a bit, something would happen, and she'd quit."
"That didn't happen," Sam added helpfully.
"Yes, thank you Kreskin", Toby paused to give Sam a patented Toby-glare before he continued.
"But she actually stood up to you. I had figured either something inappropriate would happen between the two of you or you would be your typical ass-self and she would run crying from the office one day never to return. But, strangely enough, you would do something idiotic and she would call you an idiot. I started to like her then and figured that when you screwed something up too bad to fix, we could just fire you and keep her. I'm still holding out for that, actually."
Sam smiled into his beer and Josh stared at the both of them with wide eyes.
"Josh", Toby continued with a sigh. "Do you know what the second worst kept secret in Washington is?"
"Umm, no", he hesitantly answered.
"You and Donna. And the only reason it hasn't been a problem yet is because the only two people that don't know about it are..."
"You and Donna", Sam finished.
Josh's mouth fell open.
"I take it that isn't the case anymore", Toby finished, downing the rest of his drink.
"We have a problem", Sam agreed with a nod.
***
"It's not a problem", Josh started. "Donna doesn't know I know, and to be honest I don't even know what I know. She probably doesn't even like me. Joey Lucas was probably wrong."
"She does", Toby and Sam said at the same time. Sam backed off, as he made an elaborate sweeping gesture with his hand in Toby's direction and yielded the floor to him.
"I told her.."
"You told her I liked her?" Josh screeched in his new 'high-voice' that Sam made a mental note to start calling his 'Donna-tone'.
"Shut up", Toby said sternly. "I'm not done. After you were shot, I was the one that told Donna what had happened."
A serious mood quickly descended onto the table and there were few seconds of silenece.
"I told her you were hit and she asked, 'with what?' We're all sitting there shocked and utterly devastated and she asks with such innocence and naiveté, 'with what?'. From that whole night, that's what I remember most clearly. What she said and the way she looked when I told her you were shot. She never left, you know", he paused for a moment to add emphasis.
"We all tried to get her to go home, even the First Lady, but she wouldn't. She stayed until you were ok. You were the one shot but I think she was the one that almost that night."
Catching Josh's blank stare, Toby added, "Here, I'll pass you the note, Josh. Donna 'likes' you."
Josh sighed and stated the obvious, "And it's a problem because she's my assistant."
"Yes." Toby answered, looking down at his empty glass. "That night after Rosslyn was also when everyone in the waiting room knew for sure, I think, that the fact that you two would eventually be a problem didn't really matter so much."
"What?"
"What the big lug here is trying to say," Sam started.
"Oww!".
"Sorry, was that you?" Toby asked.
"Yes!"
"Good", Toby scowled at Sam and then turned his attention back to Josh. "What *I* am saying is that, this thing that you and Donna have is not just a thing. It has the potential to be more than that. Look at us. Except for the President and the First Lady, no one has a relationship, we all work ridiculous hours, we have no lives outside of the West Wing."
"I dated a prostitute and Leo's daughter", offered Sam.
"I am going to kick you again if you don't shut up", Toby said to Sam with a raised voice.
"Somehow you managed to find this woman that will put up with you and, for some reason I will never understand, she cares about you tremendously. You obviously feel the same way about her. I think, that you should find out if you can have this without screwing it up and PR problems be damned."
"Toby, I don't know what to say", Josh muttered, clearly shocked.
"I'm not saying you should run back to work and profess your love, winding up in a heap of moaning, pale love-flesh on the floor of your office. Because I do think that when this three-year ball of sexual tension finally explodes, we are all going to get caught in the mess. What I am saying is, that when you think you're ready to try being more than her boss or her friend, maybe you should really try; and I'm only saying that because I think this thing is more than a three-year ball of sexual tension. Am I right in assuming that?" Toby paused and waited for a response. "Josh?" he asked louder.
"Yes", came a subdued reply.
"Ok. Now, as fun as this discussion of Josh's personal life has been, can we please do what we came here to do".
Josh nodded and excused himself to use the restroom before they dived into the bill strategy.
"How much do you want to bet he's calling Donna to say he's going to be back at the office later than he thought?" Sam asked, as he gazed out into the bar area.
"I think we actually have work to do here." Toby gruffly replied.
"Toby, you can't fool me anymore. I had no idea you were such a romantic."
"Owww! Ok, let's work", Sam muttered as he reached down to rub his leg, where Toby had just kicked him again.
***
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